Gareth’s Diary

I swear my life is a Bridget Jones movie… The most embarrassing things happen at the most unexpected times and in the most awkward places. This is precisely the reason why I feel that I must keep a clean slate with Karma because miss thing can’t wait to strike on me.

Here’s the scene, it’s 25 December 2018, Christmas morning. I’m dressed for church ready to leave the house and my mother tells me “our clothes are starting to fit tighter and tighter everyday hey” (note to self: Listen to your mother) I ignored her because I know I’ve gained weight and that all my clothes are sitting a bit snug. Its a sensitive subject for me.

I decided to wear a suit I bought about 6 months earlier and I only wore it once before but I love it because it has a floral print and it just felt festive and appropriate for Christmas day.

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I may look confident but deep down I’m worried that someone might see my underwear.

I get to church and a few people compliment me on my suit and I’m feeling good. As the congregation sits down after singing the second hymn, I hear a rip and my heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I’m having flashbacks as I’m typing this. It was my pants’ letting me know that I’m no longer a size 28. My pants tore all along the seam from the crotch almost all the way. Now I’m panicking thinking of every possible way to escape the situation without being literally exposed. I was flustered, feeling hot and cold at the same time building a light sweat like I had the flu or something.

I sneaked my hand underneath myself to feel how bad the damage was so that I can gauge whether I can hide it and if it will be visible or not. I shouldn’t have done that because at that point the panic was heightened. It was bad!!! It felt like my whole bum was exposed and in classic Bridget Jones fashion I was wearing underwear with a cherry on which would just add to my embarrassment. I really am the king of playing myself.

In that moment I was going through all the scenarios in my head and none of them lead to me not being embarrassed so I just gave up and let it be. When the sermon ended and It was time for communion I had to walk all the way to the front with my broken pants. I was stressed. I was walking to the front of the hall pulling my suit jacket down even leaning slightly back as I walked. It seemed as though no one else noticed.

When the service ended and everyone else was leaving my friend walks up to me and my first words were “We can’t leave now. My pants tore and everyone is going to see my cherries.” She burst out laughing and we sat there joking about my broken pants until most people had left the hall. If you can’t laugh at yourself who can you laugh at, right? When we got up, she checked to see whether it was visible but assured me that she could not see it but I was still conscious about it.

That’s how I was quickly humbled and reminded that I’m not skinny anymore. Ever since then I’ve been extra careful when sitting down to avoid another incident. Some of my favourite items of clothing are just too small now and its absolutely heart breaking. I received a message straight from the top, on Christmas of all days that I need to stop being lazy and do something about my weight gain. Wish me luck!!!

Thanks for laughing with me.

My grown up Christmas list.

Walking through malls the past few weeks have been somewhat of a rude awakening. Its only October but there are Santa hats, reindeer and Christmas trimmings everywhere you turn. Seems like Christmas is coming sooner every year. Christmas is 2 months away but we’re already being manipulated to spend our money and buy gifts so I started thinking about what I would like to find under the tree this Christmas. Since I’m a little too old to sit on Santa’s lap I thought I’d make a list. Here goes…

Dear Santa,

I hope this letter finds you in time. I thought I’d take some of the guessing out of your hands and give you an idea of what to bring me for Christmas.

1. Sneakers
I have a couple that I really like but I can’t afford or I just can’t seem to find the right one in stores. I’m hoping Saint Nick will do me a solid. Mariah Carey sang it best, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS SHOOOOOOOEEESSS.

Yeezy 500

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Nike VaporMax

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ZX 500 RM Son Goku

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One pair is enough I wouldn’t expect you to bring me all three.

2. Fragrance
My favourite perfume is almost finished Santa, and I need a new bottle so that would be highly appreciated.
Acqua di Gio

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3. Tailored suit
I’ve gained some unfortunate weight over the past few months that I can’t seem to shake. Santa, if you’re there, I’d like a brand-new suit or a summer body PLEASE!!

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4. Cellphone
Samsung Note 9
Now Santa, I don’t even think I need to motivate why I deserve this.

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5. Gift card
So, Santa if you’re not sure what to get me because I’ve been such a good boy this year, I won’t be disappointed if you just leave me a gift card under the tree. I’ll know what to get myself and I would appreciate it just as much.

I would add my Superbalist wishlist but I don’t want to break tradition.

I hope this list made it somewhat easier for you.

Sincerely,

Gareth.

Self-Care

In my very first blog, I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!!!, I stated that when you look good you feel good but, in this blog, I’m going to focus on that feeling that we are all chasing. Its different for everyone. It would be very naive of me to assume that throwing on your favourite t-shirt could be the solution to all your problems. What I meant by that was throwing on your favourite t-shirt helps. It makes you feel slightly better in the midst of whatever struggle you may have at the moment.

That brings me to the topic of self-care. Self-care is something my friends and I joke about when we do selfish things or spend a lot of money on things we really don’t need but it makes us feel good. So, let’s talk about it. I’m not a psychologist or an expert on the workings of the human mind or behaviour. So, I can only refer to my own experiences. I went through a rough patch the past few years. I wasn’t paying attention to myself. I stopped doing the things I loved not on purpose but because I did not have the time or energy for it. I love reading books and magazines but in the five years that I was working I only read 3 books from start to finish. I would buy 3 magazines every month Destiny Man, Men’s Health Magazine and GQ. I stopped buying them this year because for almost a year the books never came out of the plastic packaging I bought them in. I started journaling when I started working because it was an outlet for me and a way for me to express my feelings purely without fear of being judged and I’m not really good at talking about how I feel I usually eat my feelings. At some point I stopped writing in my journal. I used to write poems when I was in high school. I don’t even know where my book of poems is. I loved dressing up for work and by now you should know I love fashion. When I started working I wore a tie and a blazer to work every day. Near to the end I was literally just throwing on anything that was clean. I wasn’t seeing my friends as often as I would like because they live in Cape town and they also lead busy lives.

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These 3 books I bought while I was working but never got around to reading. The September issues of my favourite magazines were a joy to read. My journal is my solace. 

The saying goes you cannot pour from an empty cup. So, I decided to fill my cup. I quit my job as a teacher to pursue my aspirations of being a writer. That’s why I started this blog. You can say that this blog is a form of self-care for me because it combines so many of the things that I love. I started journaling again. It’s a great way to put my thoughts and feelings into perspective. I love singing and listening to music and for a while the sound of music annoyed me and I stopped singing. I think the first album for 2018 that I listened to was Everything Is Love by The Carters. The joy of singing still hasn’t returned to me. I’ve started reading magazines again so I’m back on track with all the latest trends. I like going out and spending time with my friends. I’m really at my happiest when I’m around them. I went on holiday with my family to Hermanus recently. I LOVE the beach. Its my happy place. The sound of the wind and the crashing of the waves always leaves me with a sense of calm that’s why I enjoyed it so much. At night while I laid in bed I could hear the ocean. I get my hair cut every 2 weeks and I go for mani/pedis once a month and I also indulge in a bit of shopping every now and then.

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Taking in the beauty of the ocean in Hermanus.

All these things are material and they aren’t necessities. But without them I became an empty shell. If I look at pictures of myself from a year ago or even a few months ago I can see the sadness in my eyes even though I’m smiling and genuinely enjoying myself in those moments. When I look at recent pictures of myself I can see a difference. You cannot fake happiness and I am truly happy right now. That’s why I started off this blog by saying when you feel good you look good. Now who doesn’t want to look good?

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The ocean really has a calming effect on me.

We need to make time for ourselves, take care of ourselves and do the things we love.

Take care.

 

Spring jumped out.

Its September and to many of us that means SPRING!!! Although its not officially Spring until the 23rd of September. With the change in the season comes a change in weather and with that our habits change. For the last couple of months we’ve stayed indoors and when we’re forced to leave the house we do so hurriedly because we want to get out of the cold and rain. We do our best to protect ourselves from the elements so we pile on the layers. With Spring on its way we can finally peel back a few of those layers and emerge from the cosy cocoons we’ve been wrapped up in. Temperatures are not that high so we cannot pull out the shorts just yet. With Cape Town’s weather you cant even really pack away your rain jackets yet and this Winter seems to be a stubborn one. But we can start dressing a little lighter. Now when it comes to spring we think bright colours and floral prints because we just got out of the gloomy winter. Im not someone that goes for bright colours usually but im not shy to wear a floral print.

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I’m not even shy to read myself

This is what Ill be wearing this Spring…

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It may be a bit warmer in Spring but we all know it can still get quite cold and the weather can change at anytime during the day, so I believe in carrying a jacket or a jersey with me whenever I leave the house. Its also not warm enough for shorts or flip flops and a plain white T just says Spring is here!

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Night time is always a bit cooler than the day time so if I’m going out at night Id swop out the cardigan for a bomber jacket (told you I’m not shy). I’ve also packed away the boots and pulled out a pair of comfortable sneakers to complement the look.

Springs is on its way so let go of all the Winter stress. Lets dress to impress!

Please like and comment if you like what I’m doing and follow this blog if you wanna see more posts like this.

Thanks for reading me.